anyone else feel most motivated some time past 3am when you can sense the mist of the night seeping into your window and making your panes moist to perhaps lie peacefully as the sun rises and slowly evaporates it from our understanding of existence?

for some reason I've neglected music entirely from my life for the past few months. instead I've devoted my time to reading philosophy and taking notes about my ideas about these things, spending time with my beloved girlfriend and working a really bad job as I search for a better, more stable and suitable place of employment that will maintain my way of life and bills until I find it time to advance my career further. I've done other things here and there - some intense, marijuana induced nights of philosophically motivated discussion that weaved through subjects like the thread of a very desperate blind man frantically sewing his torn uniform.

but personally, I know music means a lot to me. music has been there during very dramatic and important moments in my life, and drove my emotions and imagination away from reality into the realm of colorful mountains and kind lions. and sitting here, capable of stepping aside to objective examine my situation, I still stand perplexed. I can find very obvious reasons for my departure from such a beautiful habit of human communication and creation, but still remain confused and surprised.

I've traveled such departures previously in my life, but those were much shorter than the present one. I hope to soon find myself driven to engage with the conversation of music, to fall gracefully into the arms of some giant peaceful tree with eyes closed and ears open. The last time I returned it was very moving, and I expect my coming return to be as equal or much, much greater; I expect the latter with glee.